Family Functions:
LIVING TOGETHER
Psalm 133; I
Thessalonians 5:10-11
2 It=
is
like precious oil poured on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron's beard,
down upon the collar of his robes.
3 It=
is as
if the dew of Hermon
were falling on
For there the LORD bestows his blessin=
g,
even life forevermore.
This
morning we begin a six-week emphasis on our most important human
relationships. I’ve cho=
sen to
call this series “Family Functions”—which is what familie=
s are
supposed to do—we need our families to function well. When they don’t, we say they=
are dysfunctional—which
is a word we hear far too often.
Eac=
h Sunday
for six weeks, we will focus on some aspect of relating to other people,
especially those who are in our immediate families. In each case, we’ll discover =
how
the Bible speaks to the challenges and the opportunities we have as we rela=
te
to one another.
God=
’s
word contains an absolute treasure chest of wise counsel for growing good
relationships with others.
We’ll look at several texts today which should help us, as the
Psalmist said, to “live together in unity.” (Psalm 133:1)
1. Let’s start with this: Living Together Requires Understan=
ding. Without a doubt, this is one o=
f the
greatest challenges in any relationship—trying to truly understand an=
other
human being. And in most fami=
lies, we
must attempt this with several of these other beings!
Lis=
ten to
this advice from the Apostle Peter: “Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives…” (NIV) The New Living Translation puts it=
this
way: “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding
way…”
(I =
Peter
3:7, NLT). Husbands, do we he=
ar this? We are told in Scripture to unders=
tand
our wives. Yeah, riiiiiiiight=
!?!
Rem=
ember
that old show called Mission Imposs=
ible? No idea why that came to mind, fel=
lows! But, then, maybe our wives would sa=
y the
same thing about us! It’=
;s
never easy for any two people to understand each other-whether or not they&=
#8217;re
married.
Dur=
ing
premarital counseling sessions, I point out to the bride and groom to be th=
at
they are about to spend their lives with someone whom they will never fully
understand. No mere male will=
ever
fully understand what it is like to be a woman; and it is unlikely that any
female will fully understand manhood either—although I do believe men=
, in
general, are simpler to figure out.
Hav=
ing said
that, I then remind the couple that they will have a lifetime, hopefully, in
which to grow in their understanding of each other. A happy, growing marriage relation=
ship
requires this. Not that we ev=
er fully
achieve it, but part of the mystique of the marriage relationship is the ho=
nest
effort to understand the other better.
So =
how do
we do this? Well, for starter=
s, we listen to each other. James 1:19 tells us to be “q=
uick
to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” So often we shoot first and ask
questions later. If we would =
take
the time to listen for understanding, maybe we would react with a bit more
compassion and a lot less anger.
This principle of understanding one another applies to other relationships =
as
well. Parents and children, f=
or
instance. As parents, we have=
a
huge advantage over our children.
We&=
#8217;ve
been children; but they have never been adults. At the same time, we have never be=
en
this particular child—so we have to make the effort to understand eac=
h of
our children as the unique little persons they are.
If =
you aim
for understanding, you must make w=
hat is
important to the other person important to you. I read about a father who was not =
much
of a sports fan, but his son developed an interest in hockey. Because of this, the father started=
taking
his son to as many hockey games as he could.
It =
cost him
some time and money, but it proved to be a strong bonding experience for the
two of them. A friend asked him, “Do you really like hockey that
much?” “No,’=
; He
said, “but I like my son that much!”
Aim=
for
understanding. Make it a poin=
t to
really listen to each other. =
As Yogi
Berra said, “You can hear an awful lot by just listening.” And it truly is one of the most
important gifts you can give another person—to listen with the aim of
understanding them. That̵=
7;s
requirement number one.
Here’s the second:
2. Living Together Requires Loy=
alty: Companies talk about loyalty a
lot. They try to foster loyal=
ty
among their employees and customers.
Managers know they will not have a successful business without a good
measure of loyalty.
The=
same is
true for families. Loyalty
matters. The promises we make=
to
one another, the covenants we embrace together, are to be taken seriously.<=
span
style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> They are to be honored and cherish=
ed as
the means of achieving the stability we must have for our families to grow =
and
mature and provide the love and security that we all so desperately need in=
our
lives.
Whe=
n a man and
a woman promise to love, honor, and cherish one another for as long as life
shall last, and then live by those vows, it gives to that couple and the fa=
mily
they form the opportunity to grow strong together in love and mutual
support. They know they can c=
ount
on one another in good times and bad.
There is strength and reassurance in such secure relationships.
Lis=
ten to Proverbs
3:3-4—“Never let loyalty and kindness get away from you! Wear them like a necklace; write th=
em
down within your heart. Then =
you
will find favor with both God and people, and you will gain a good reputati=
on.”
(NLT)
When we are loyal to one another and keep our commitments to each other, it
builds trust. And there is no=
such
thing as a healthy relationship apart from trust. Trust is the firm foundation upon w=
hich a
family is built.
Man=
y of us work
jobs that require long hours away from home. Some have to travel in their work.=
Family time can be at a premium.
How=
does their
presence at the event make their child feel? Loved. Secure. Blessed. And that parent’s sacrifice =
also instills
in their child the importance of keeping commitments, which will help that
child grow to be a good mom or dad some day! And listen: this kind of loyalty a=
nd
commitment and keeping of promises is important in all vital relationships =
of
life.
3.
Living Together Requires Respect for One Another: Respect is something all of us=
want
and need as part of any relationship. In fact, it is next to impossible t=
o have
a deep relationship with another person without mutual respect.
May=
be some
of us are not experiencing the kind of relationship God wants to have with =
us
because we do not have the respect for Him that He deserves. In the same way, there may be family
relationships that are insecure because God and His will and way for our li=
ves
are not being respected.
Pro=
verbs
14:26 speaks to this. It says,
“Those who fear (or respect) the Lord are secure; he will be a place =
of
refuge for their children.” (NLT)
Another word for respect is “honor.” Romans 12:10 states that as
followers of Christ we are to take delight in honoring each other. Did you catch that? We are to honor other persons—=
;and surely
this applies to members of our own families.
Thi=
s is not
supposed to be a hassle for us either.&nbs=
p;
When we delight in honoring another person, it makes them feel value=
d and
brings meaning to their lives.
In
families, we need to respect each other’s…property, and privacy,
and time. We also need to res=
pect
the uniqueness of each member of the family. We may share many things in common=
, but
each one will have characteristics that belong only to them—and we ne=
ed
to respect the fact that other members of our family will seem a bit odd to=
us—just
as we do to them.
Pau=
l shares
this good word with us in Philippians 2:3—“Do nothing out of
selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better th=
an
yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but als=
o to
the interests of others.”
(NIV) In other words,
respect others.
4. Living Together Requires <=
u>Encouragement: Perhaps the easiest way to gro=
w a
healthy relationship is to offer encouragement—not in the form of bei=
ng
overly demanding or setting unrealistic goals. Family members encourage each othe=
r by
affirming the gifts God has placed in each person’s life and helping =
one
another to use them. We becom=
e our
best selves with God’s help combined with a loving, encouraging famil=
y.
I Thessalonians 5:11 says,
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in =
fact
you are doing.” How good is that?&nb=
sp;
Even as Paul instructs the Thessalonian Christians to encourage one
another, he affirms them for doing it.&nbs=
p;
He practices encouragement even as he commends it to them!
How can we be more encouraging to one another? Well, something as simple as a smile can help. Job, the Old Testament character w=
ho experienced
so much grief and sorrow, recalls in his book the days before he went throu=
gh
such calamity. He said that when people around him were discouraged, he smi=
led
at them; and “…the light of my face was precious to them.”=
; (Job
29:24)
Never underestimate the influence of something as simple as a smile. A smile always increases your ̶=
0;face
value.”
Second, be encouraging in the word=
s you
speak. Someone wisely obs=
erved
that "Man doesn’t live by bread alone. He also needs buttering
up." Words are powerful,
friends. They can do enormous=
harm,
and they can do tremendous good.
How would our relationships change for the better if we focused a bit more =
on
the positive? A reporter once=
asked
Andrew Carnegie, the great entrepreneur of a previous day, why he hired 43
millionaires to work for him.
Car=
negie
pointed out to the reporter that those men were not millionaires when he hi=
red
them. The reporter then asked,
“How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you =
paid
them this much money?”
Carnegie told the reporter that people are developed the same way gold is
mined. In the mining process,
several tons of dirt must often be moved in order to get an ounce of gold; =
but
you don’t go into the mine looking for dirt--you look for the gold!
Doe=
s that
speak to our role as parents? How
about our role as spouses? Wh=
at
does that say to those who teach children, or supervise others at work, or =
live
together in families, or worship and serve together in churches?
I encourage us all to look for the=
gold
in others: our children, spouse, parents, co-workers. I can’t help but think that =
Jesus had
to look real close to find the gold in some of the disciples he chose. And guess what? He still does!
In the fourth chapter of Acts, we read about a man named Joseph whom the
apostles nicknamed Barnabas--which means “Son of Encouragement.”=
; They called him this because at a t=
ime of
great need in the early church, he sold a field that he owned in order to h=
elp
those who were suffering. Bec=
ause
of this act of generosity and kindness, he was given a new name: Barnabas, =
“Son
of Encouragement.” We n=
eed to
be encouragers too!
5. Living Together Requires Forgiv=
eness: Here’s an important word for relationships.
Most
couples who have enjoyed a long marriage will tell you that the health of t=
heir
marriage is due, at least in part, to overlooking a lot and forgiving the
rest. Now, they will talk abo=
ut
loving each other too; but for love to survive, you must do some overlooking
and forgiving—which real love is willing to do!
The=
kind of
love that is unwilling to overlook and forgive is just self-love. Self-love cares about the other pe=
rson only
so long as they are meeting my needs.
That’s the way of the world, not the way of Christ. It’s completely normal, natu=
ral, and
worldly to love yourself and want from other people whatever you think is b=
est
for you.
In =
the same
way that carrying a grudge is natural.&nbs=
p;
Keeping a record of wrongs is natural. Seeking revenge is natural. Trying to hurt you because you hur=
t me
is natural.
Fri=
ends,
Jesus Christ died on the cross to set us free from what comes naturally.
The=
re is a
story in Spanish culture about a father and son who had a terrible fight.
Fin=
ally, in
desperation, the father turns to the newspaper for help. He places an ad that reads: "D=
ear
Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your father."
Sat=
urday
comes, and eight hundred young men named Paco show up at that newspaper off=
ice,
all of them hoping to find forgiveness and love from their fathers. Such hostility and division affect=
s far
too many relationships, friends.
And it’s always sad.
It’s always tragic.
Som=
e of us
may be involved in relationships right now that do not have a chance of
surviving unless somebody forgives somebody. That shouldn’t be so hard, b=
ut it
is. It goes against every fib=
er of
our being to forgive—until, friends, until we know in our heart of he=
arts
that we have been forgiven.
Whe=
n we
know that Christ has forgiven us, we can forgive one another. As forgiven people, we are set fre=
e to
forgive. Marriages are saved.=
Families are preserved. Other important relationships get =
back
on the right track as well—when we forgive.
Hav=
e you
received God’s forgiveness in Jesus Christ? We all need it! And once we receive it, then we ca=
n give
it. Forgiven people know how =
to
forgive. And given all our
hang-ups, differences, and failures, forgiveness is absolutely essential for
living together!
I don’t mean to imply that this list covers everything, but if our goal= is to “live together in unity,” this is a pretty good list of requirements: 1) seeking to understand one another; 2) being loyal; 3) respecting each other; 4) being encouraging, and finally, 5) forgiving. Feel free to add others--let’= ;s just not overlook any of these!